This past Thursday, December 5, I threw my back out while lifting weights. Every time I move my shoulders out of axis with my spine, a long, thick muscle dislocates across my back, bending me forward, hands grasping empty air for the ropes of church bells.

Nothing helps diminish the crippling pain except alcohol, teeth-gritting, and self-deprecating humor.

For this reason, this week's Lately is extremely short. As a matter of fact, here comes this column's final word.