I've Always Felt It's Nicer to Use Female Urine is copyright © 2000 by Ralph Robert Moore.

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I've always felt it's nicer to use female urine rather than male urine so in the bar I only asked women for samples proved to take longer than I had originally thought the bar was dark inside lit only by neon beer logos cigarette tips eyes eventually three ladies obliged in fact provided much more than I needed I set off for the field I had selected outside town it looked down on the square it was the sunniest spot I opened the warm jars sloshed the urine out over a red blanket added rotting fruit apples oranges half a melon one of the women at the bar gave me with a wink sat down a short distance away by a statue of a man on a horse waited with a girl from the bar with a face from an oil painting who came along because she didn't believe me.